|Total Number of Tables - 2,279
|Total Number of Players Attending - 1,631
|Total Number of Players Winning Masterpoints - 1,428
|Total Number of Masterpoints Won - 12,265.10
Click Here for Leading Masterpoint Winners
Daily Bulletin Articles
Tuesday Night's Charity Benefited...
...the Washington Bridge League's new sectional tournament home (beginning
in October), the Margaret Schweinhaut Senior Center in Silver Spring, Maryland.
Bid and Play Your Way to a Washington Nationals Game!
Glenn Young, of Alexandria, VA, has donated two tickets to the Washington
Nationals game on Thursday afternoon, July 7th. Glenn has a special interest
in the Novice/Intermediate events at this tournament because he fondly
remembers his first regional here, where he won more points than any other
299er. So he has requested that his tickets be awarded to the pair who
wins the most masterpoints in the separate Intermediate/Novice events held
on Saturday and Sunday this weekend. Who says bridge and baseball don't
Our Very First New Life Master!
Walter Mitnick, of Owings Mills, MD, reported in as this MABC Regional's
first new Life Master. Congratulations!
Some More Celebration
Hail to Richard Cassell and Mark Durocher who both made LM in the Wednesday
Compact Knockouts. And also a hearty well done to Dev Devgon who also made
LM during the KOs. Congratulations fellas!
Things I'd Do If I Ever Became an Evil Overlord - courtesy of Paul Harris
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well,
there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every
Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets
overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether
they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders,
they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With
that in mind, allow me to present: Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors,
not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary.
If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger:
Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will
instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard
it. Similarly, the on/off switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
4. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws
in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
5. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort
of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and
virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
6. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape
and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
7. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey,
ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes
and filching keys happens to follow him around.
8. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine
my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that
I might not know about.
9. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in
my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert
missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone
else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
10. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code
I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will
not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
11. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals,
the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as
the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual
main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
12. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle
with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage
him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river
of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
13. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed
him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops
flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find
out what he saw.
14. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also,
I will not construct walkways above them.
15. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with
bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells
the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead
of opening up the cell for a look.
What Happened to the Washington Post's Bridge Column? - by John Mason
The answer is not good news. The Post's Style section has moved its daily
bridge column to make room for a new numbers puzzle from Europe. On Saturdays
they will no longer run any bridge column at all. This is only the beginning.
No doubt the Post expects their new puzzle will appeal to more readers
than Frank Stewart's highly popular column did. They have no idea how many
readers turn to the bridge column before they look at anything else. LET
THEM KNOW HOW WRONG THEY ARE! Phone the Post's Style section at 202-334-4775
and email them at email@example.com. Keep contacting them over and over
again until they get the message. Meantime, it may be worthwhile to get
acquainted with our other local newspaper, The Washington Times, which
has an excellent bridge column by Steve Becker.
What follows is a small sampling of true-to-life stories, except one is
thrown in there just for fun. Can you guess the story which was made up
(by this Daily Bulletin editor sometime after two in the morning...)? Anyone
who takes the time to submit a correct guess will get their name printed
in big bold italicized letters in an upcoming Daily Bulletin.
(a) When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
(b) After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be Transporting from
Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling
the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
(c) A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.
(d) Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
(e) A Chicago businessman was in a hurry to get home from a long day at
work and decided to do his best to bypass a traffic jam which he had come
up to on the Kennedy Expressway. He moved over to the shoulder which was
clear. He even took the time to experience the gratification of moving
by all those parked cars, checking out the fuming faces of their stalled
passengers. Unfortunately, he failed to notice the signs warning of upcoming
construction in the shoulder lane. The shoulder lane, as it turned out
was funneled to a work-in-progress ramp which in turn led to dead-end.
When he discovered his predicament, he shot backwards smashing into a cement
mixer which had just pulled out of its yard behind him.
(f) As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
(g) Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home...with the
chain still attached to the machine... with their bumper still attached
to the chain... with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the
bumper. They were quickly arrested.
(h) When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Darwin Awards Correct Guessers
The correct entry from the Darwin Awards list was letter e... The winner
is Lori Jarboe of Frederick, Maryland who correctly guessed entry e, the
Chicago fellow who tried avoid the traffic jam actually met a cement mixer.
But since there were only two other intrepid submitters, they will get
their names underlined for giving it a shot. They are: Peter and Marie
Filandro of the Great State of Delaware.