This time it is Washington, DC for the North American Bridge Championships and a hand that has several themes.  One of the themes is embarrassment, another the perils of balancing and the third how to bid wildly distributional hands. 

Now if I had not given you all the themes above and just gave you a hand most all of you would choose to balance with the following collection: ª-K63 ©-T93 ¨-AQJT76 §-2.  Matchpoints all non-vulnerable in an auction that started on your left with one heart and was followed by two passes depending upon your style you would bid two or three diamonds.  Nobody steals from you and it is generally wrong to not try to force the opponents to a level that they can not go positive at matchpoints.  What bad could happen and you have a very good suit?  

As you can guess by now this may not have been the hand to balance, which is quickly reinforced when your left-hand opponent bids SEVEN CLUBS.  Red faced, you are, as you had a chance to go minus 260 and now the best that you can do is be minus 1440 against seven clubs or 1510 against seven hearts.  Imagine who would have been red faced if you had passed and they would have been plus 260. 

Your left-hand opponent's hand was: ª-void ©-AKQJ842 ¨-void  §-AKJT97 or Trombones.  You remember that song from the Music Man that describes this hand Seventy-six Trombones.  Well how would you open their hand?  Two clubs is an alternate suggestion, but two suited hands are very hard to describe after two clubs.  Seven hearts that would get some votes in any bidding contest.  There is an old axiom that when you are very distributional that even if partner does not respond it is most unlikely that it will be passed out in one heart.  There is a "white knight" at most tables. 

As to balancing, you should never let the opponents play low level contracts at match points unless you have some feeling that they are beyond their limits of getting a plus score.  You sometimes will be the bug rather than the windshield when you balance but for the most part you will profit.  Even if your profit is to have a tale like this one to tell after the session. Nadine Wood the red faced District Director from Washington related this one late one night at the North American Championships in Washington. 

For those interested your partner's hand was: ª-QJ952 ©-75 ¨-K532 C-Q8 and right hand-opponent held: ª-AT874
©-6 ¨-984  §-6543. 

The road can be a dangerous place and if you cannot laugh at your sorrows you will find it hard to celebrate your triumphs.